


It’s Dante’s fault

by cyanspark



Series: History lessons with Professors di Genova and al-Kaysani [2]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Domestic Fluff, Gen, M/M, Mention Of Homophobia, Mention of Islamophobia, No pun intended, except it turns out it's hard to joke about the Divine Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:14:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26196958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyanspark/pseuds/cyanspark
Summary: “Wait…” Nile’s jaw drops. “YoumetDante?”“Unfortunately.” Nicky drags his hands over his face. “Seven centuries, and Istillhaven’t recovered from that experience.”*Nile learns that Italian wasn't Nicky's first language. Also, that Joe and Nicky hate Dante’sDivine Comedy.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: History lessons with Professors di Genova and al-Kaysani [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892506
Comments: 8
Kudos: 147





	It’s Dante’s fault

Nile, never one to be left out, starts learning languages in her down time. After all, it’s kind of demoralizing not to when you’ve been hanging around three other immortals who speak dozens upon dozens of them, including dead languages.

Fortunately, she has the benefit of in-person tutors. Joe teaches her Arabic with the patience of a saint (“I’ve had practice,” he says wryly, glancing at Nicky), and Nicky schools her in Italian. Which Nile optimistically thought wouldn’t be so bad, since she took a little bit of Spanish in grade school, but she has an awfully hard time pronouncing the “gl” sound.

“You’re doing really well,” Nicky says soothingly, when she gets up from the table and starts pacing in frustration.

“Maybe I should’ve brushed up on my Spanish first instead,” she mutters.

“Italian’s not that bad, you’ll see.”

“Easy for you to say,” Nile huffs. “It’s your native language.”

Joe strolls into the dining room from the kitchen. “Actually,” he says, “Nicky didn’t learn what we consider modern Italian until...what, the fourteenth century?”

“My native language is Genoese,” says Nicky, stiffly. “It’s Dante’s fault that people decided modern Italian would be based on Florentine.”

“Dante?” Nile echoes. “Like...Dante’s _Divine Comedy_ Dante?”

Joe settles into an empty chair and heaves a sigh. “Ah, yes. The _Divine Comedy_ ,” he deadpans, in the same tone of voice one would use to describe something fished out of the sewer.

“I thought it’s one of the greatest Italian poems of all time,” Nile asks, genuinely confused. Joe normally loves poetry—any kind of poetry.

Nicky leans back in his chair, arms crossed. “By an insufferably religious, infuriatingly arrogant man,” he mutters darkly.

“Wait…” Nile’s jaw drops. “You _met_ Dante?”

“Unfortunately.” Nicky drags his hands over his face. “Seven centuries, and I _still_ haven’t recovered from that experience.”

Nile looks between the two of them, who both look as though they’ve eaten a lemon. “Okay...so you’re telling me Dante was a jerk in person. But what’s wrong with his poem?”

Joe starts ticking off his fingers. “One: The _Inferno_ has a section of Hell specifically reserved for queer men.”

Nile winces. “Oooh...yeah, I can see why that would be a problem.”

“Two: He describes the inner city of Hell as being full of mosques. And three: He condemned Muhammed to gruesome torture in Hell.” Joe shrugs. “I find these descriptions just a _little_ offensive.”

Nile eyes him. “I think I have a better understanding of why meeting him in person probably wasn’t fun for you guys.”

“I’m a little surprised he didn’t cast us as characters in the _Inferno_ ,” Joe says, glancing at Nicky.

Nicky snorts. “We probably weren’t famous enough for him.”

Joe’s mouth twists into a wistful smile. “The look on his face, though, when you told him we were lovers…”

“Oh, yeah.” Nicky chuckles. “Too bad cameras weren’t around back then. I wish I could’ve taken a photo of his expression...”

As much as Nile would like to listen to them reminisce about scandalizing Dante, she can’t help asking, “So...why are we blaming Dante for modern Italian being based on Florentine, again?”

“Because the _Divine Comedy_ helped elevate Florentine as the prestige dialect of Italian,” Joe supplies. “Though, obviously, it wasn’t the only factor.”

“A poor choice,” Nicky laments, “but at least it's not based on Venetian…”

Nile shoots Joe a questioning look. Joe just smirks.

“Trust me, you do _not_ want to ask Nicky how he feels about anything related to Venice.”

**Author's Note:**

> \- To be clear, modern Italian is based on a particular variation of Florentine - as I understand it, there are still differences between the Florentine dialect and standard Italian.  
> \- Fun fact: Venice and Genoa had a serious rivalry during the Middle Ages.  
> \- This fanfic went in a very different direction from how I initially thought it would go after I reread the notes on the _Divine Comedy_ and realized Nicky and Joe would have some, ahem, major problems with Dante and the poem!


End file.
